


Close to Nature

by general_fux, theSinTin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Crack, M/M, Ren shoves a pinecone in his ass, i'm sorry everyone, that's it that's all you're getting about the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 16:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7809676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_fux/pseuds/general_fux, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theSinTin/pseuds/theSinTin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer Camp AU: Where Kylo takes a dare too far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close to Nature

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, honestly. Nothing I say here will excuse what I wrote. 
> 
> Please thank general_fux for this masterpiece, who egged me on while I was drunk last night.
> 
> (I promise it's non descriptive so I didn't go that in detail on this mistake)

It was half past midnight, the moon was already high in the sky and most of the lights were out across the cabins. All except for one cabin, the furthest away from the counselor cabins in row. The lights were on but dimmed, its occupants trying to be quiet within, but failing spectacularly.

“Ah, Poe brought the good stuff!” exclaimed Rey, who was sitting on Finn’s bed. She had snuck over from the girls cabin to be with them. Finn was helping Poe pull out his various stashes of alcohol from his backpack. None of them were really sure how he managed to sneak it all in.

“You all should know to only expect the best from me,” Poe exclaimed with a charismatic grin, shooting Finn and Rey the smile. “Kylo, come join us!” Poe invited, waving to Kylo, who was curled up on his bunk.

“I think I'll pass.” Ren mumbled in response, trying his best to ignore the group to read a book.

“Come on, it'll be fun.” Finn said, trying to help. “We only have two more days of camp, only two more days of dealing with our awful counselors.”

“They're not that bad…” Ren responded, a little too quickly. 

“Are you kidding!?” Rey exclaimed, “They're the absolute worse this year!”

“Yeah, I'm so happy this is our last year in camp.” Poe agreed, the group having gathered in a circle as they started to take swigs from the bottles and passing them around. “God, you know who's the worst this year? Hux.”

Ren tried his best to hide his twitch in response to hearing Hux’s name, turning to look at the group. Finn took a swig from a bottle, choking a bit on the burn of the booze, before responding. “God, yeah. Can you believe he yelled at me for _coughing_ when he was talking? How did a jackass like him get that position?”

“You know what I heard him say to Ren?” Poe added in, “‘You need to get closer with nature and stop wasting so much time on your phone,’” Poe said as he imitated Hux’s voice. “What a jackass.”

“Counselor Phasma isn't much better in the girls groups,” Rey complained. “If we don't swim right the first time, she makes us do laps until she thinks were good enough. Shes insane!”

“The only halfway decent one is Mitaka, honestly,” Poe commented, “But he's such a baby about everything. I mean, did you see him cringe yesterday when Kylo talked back? Hilarious!” Poe laughed, slapping a knee. “Come on, Kylo, join the group! You deserve it after that one!”

Ren looked at the group, mentally working if this was a good idea or not. He didn't like how he got when he drank, he didn't hold his alcohol well and he wasn't the best when drunk. But, camp had been stressful and he’d rather not be sober while he had to hear these idiots talk all night.

He sighed. “Fine,” Ren grumbled as he got up and joined the circle of idiots on the floor. He was immediately handed two bottles of booze from either side of him. He took the clearer bottle and took a drink. Vodka, he choked a bit but managed to swallow. 

Poe and Rey give him pats on the back, encouraging him to take another drink. Finn cleared his throat, after taking a bit himself. “So, Poe what's the game we’re playing?” He asked curiously.

Poe laughed to himself, looking at the group before answering. “Truth or dare.”

\------------

“These truly have been some of the worst campers I've ever had to deal with,” Hux sneered, resting against the wall of the cabin on his bed. Phasma sat to his side, handing him a flask after she took a sip from it. Hux in turned took a sip, passing it back.

“No kidding,” Phasma complained. “Not a single one listens to me in the girls group. They all whine when I have them actually do camp activities, instead of texting on their damn phones.”

“It's like, what's the point of going to camp, if you don't do camp activities?” Hux asked, waving his hand. “Were we this bad just a few years ago?”

“Hardly,” Phasma replied. “Who would have thought there'd be such a huge maturity gap between 18 and 22.” She smiled, looking to Hux. “I pity you, though, Hux.” Hux turned to her, cocking his head to the side. “I saw that you had Kylo Ren in your group this year. I bet that’s its own mix of fun.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “He's not _that_ bad.” Hux replied, “Just got to keep the boy knowing his place, and he's manageable. Just have to get him to that point first.”

“I heard he almost made Mitaka cry.” Phasma pointed out.

“You almost made Mitaka cry just calling his name,” Hux smirked at her, “I swear the boy would wet himself if he ever got into an actual fight.

Phasma nodded, “Still though, that Ren kid. Hard to believe the camp organizers still let him keep coming here, with what happened last year and all.”

Hux rolled his eyes again, no longer interested in hearing Phasma complain about Ren. She didn't even have to deal with him.

Also, he’d rather not have her complain about his boyfriend.

Not that she was wrong to complain, but it was still a weird topic for him to participate in, anything about Ren. They had met last year’s camp, after Ren had _the incident_ that frankly should have gotten him banned from camp. After some sly flirts on Ren's part, some heated arguments, and one kiss by the lake, Hux was obsessed. But the age difference had made Hux weary, so they waited until Kylo’s birthday to make things official. 

Though, they hadn't told anyone this. Hux knew he'd be risking his position here if it got out he was dating a camper. And Ren didn't have anywhere else to go during the summers, it was either camp or staying the summer with his dad Han, which Ren expressed great distaste for.

They planned on being more open about it after camp finished, maybe when Kylo was finally starting college. But either way, he’d rather not hear Phasma complain about a student she never had to deal with personally. Not that anything she complained about was ever wrong.

“It's only two more days with these kids, Phasma.” Hux tried to encourage her to keep her sanity, having just complained about her girls group popping gum while she was talking to them. “Two more days, and we'll be free.”

\------------------

Kylo was drunk.

So very drunk.

It never took him long, but he was already swaying back and forth and having a hard time staying still.

Finn was telling a very embarrassing story for his truth answer, Ren could barely make sense of his words. He hoped he could crawl into bed soon and sleep.

“Okay, Ren, your turn.” Poe smiled at him, catching Ren’s attention, who tried his best to sit up straight. He was failing. “Truth or dare.”

“Truth,” Ren replied, knowing not to trust Poe for his dares. Not after last summer where he almost got banned from camp after a dare…

“Truth, huh?” Poe replied, pondering and scratching his chin in thought. “Alrighty, Ren. Truth, who are you dating right now?”

Ren shivered in response, his face flushing. “What makes you think I'm dating someone?”

“We’re not stupid, Kylo. We see your face whenever you get texts, how you sneak off to make phone calls sometimes. We all know you're seeing someone, who is it?”

Ren’s face was beet red. He thought he had been more sneaky than that. He couldn't tell them, Hux asked him not to be out about it until after camp. He trusted these guys, but…he couldn’t get Hux in trouble. Nor himself, he didn't want to go to Han’s place. 

“I’m switching to dare.” Ren spat out, taking another clumsy drink from the almost empty vodka battle he had been cradling all night. 

“You can't switch mid game,” Finn pointed out, complaining. He was probably just upset he had to tell the embarrassing story about proposing to a girl in the 5th grade and her turning him down. 

“Hold on Finn, this is fine.” Poe smiled at Ren. It wasn't a good smile though, it was his shit eating grin that Ren was all too familiar with. “You can switch, Ren. But you have to do the dare, no questions asked. Or, you have to tell all of us your secret boyfriend. Got it?”

Ren pondered this. Was it really worth it? Yes, he couldn't risk Hux on this. Just because of one of Dameron’s stupid dares. He could do this. He knew better after last year, right? About going too far with the dares? Ren hoped, as he looked Poe in the eye and nodded curtly, ready for whatever dare he had planned.

\----------------

Hux laid in his bunk, staring idly out the window. The stars really did look beautiful this late at night. It made this summer volunteer job all the more worth it to him.

Phasma had already returned back to her bunk, taking her distasteful booze with her. It wasn't even enough to give Hux more than a small buzz, which had almost completely faded away anyway. Maybe he was just getting too strong of a tolerance, who knew. Either way, she left after Mitaka had returned from his friend’s cabin and wanted to sleep. Not that Hux could complain, he wanted similar.

Hux turned in his bed to instead stare at the ceiling, letting his eyes shut and willing himself to sleep. He had to be awake early after all. He wanted to be ready.

He felt himself just on the edge of unconsciousness, when he heard scrambling of feet outside. 

Great, campers were out…

He waited a second to see if Mitaka was going to get up and take care of it, but the boy was either playing dead, or actually asleep. Hux rolled his eyes, getting up and walking to the front door with a flashlight in hand. Just as he opened the door, he found said campers in front of it about to knock.

He looked at them surprised, they looked back just the same, not having expected him to be there.

Rey was the first to speak, frantic and loud. “Oh my god Hux you have to help, we need you to call an ambulance!”

Hux looked at her strangely, raising a hand to shush her and push them back. Stepping outside of his cabin, he started walking with the group as to not wake Mitaka. “Why do I need to call an ambulance?”

Finn spoke up first this time. “Poe was a fucking idiot and made a dare and-”

Hux stopped him again. “Why do all of you reek of alcohol?” He made a disgusted face.

“I'm not an idiot, I didn't think he'd do it!” Poe shot back at Finn, looking angry. “I thought he'd switch back to truth, I didn't expect him to actually do it!”

“Okay, Poe.” Hux turned to him. “You're going to stop fighting. And you're going to tell me what the hell went wrong.” Hux was done with this, if this was an actual emergency, he needed to know.

Poe's face turned a deep shade of red, looking down ashamedly. He licked his lips, before looking up to Hux. He took a deep breath, before opening his mouth to finally spill the beans.

\-------

“Ren, get in the car.” Hux ordered as soon as he entered Ren’s cabin.

He found Ren awkwardly sprawled out on his bunk, keeping his legs spread, hiding under a blanket. 

“Oh my god, they got you…” Hux heard Ren mumble under the blanket, seemingly trying to curl up more.

“Unfortunately they did.” Hux replied, the three entering the cabin after him. He turned to them, pointing to Rey first. “You, go back to the girls cabins. Phasma will be talking to you tomorrow about this.”

He saw her groan, crossing her arms before grabbing her stuff on the ground and taking off, stomping on the ground as she did.

He turned to Finn and Poe next, “I'm taking Ren myself, you two are going to stay here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow about this.” 

Finn and Poe didn't protest, instead they quietly crawled into their own bunks and hid under the blankets, scared of Hux for the moment.

“Ren, I won't repeat myself, get up and let's go to the car.” Hux said in a stern tone of voice, one that Kylo was all too used to.

With that command, Ren did finally get up, doing his best not to shift anything wrong. He kept the blanket around himself, Hux was too done with this to tell him to leave it. He watched Ren awkwardly shuffle out of the cabin, Hux closing the door behind him.

They made the long and awkward walk down to where Hux had his car parked. Neither of the two said a word, neither able to comprehend that this was happening to them.

When they did arrive at the car, Hux opened up the back door, looking to Ren. “Go ahead and lay down in the back, I'll be gentle while I drive.”

Ren nodded, about to get into the car when Hux stopped him. He took a quick survey of the area, before placing his hands on Kylo’s cheeks. They looked each other in the eyes, holding gazes, before Hux smiled. 

“Are you really that drunk?” Hux asked with a grin, not letting Ren turn his face away in embarrassment. Instead, Hux took the chance and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Ren didn't react, but still smiled softly.

“I'm sorry,” Ren apologized, pulling away from Hux’s hands before getting into the car and laying himself down in the least awkward position he could handle.

Hux didn't respond immediately, closing the back door before going to the driver's side and getting in. He turned the key to get the car going, buckling in before backing out of his spot, pulling the directions up on his GPS for the nearest hospital.

It was only a few minutes in before Hux started speaking again. “Okay, Ren?” Hux started, hearing Ren “Hmm,” in response. “Care to tell me exactly _why_ you shoved a fucking pinecone in your _ass?_ ”

Ren made a horrible groan, hiding his face in the car seat he was resting against. “They got me drunk,” Ren tried to blame his friends, knowing it was mostly useless. “And then they started playing truth or dare, and it was my turn. Poe asked me for truth who I was secretly dating. I didn’t want to answer, so I switched to dare. And that was the dare, I just didn't want to make you mad...”

“So, you figured that me taking you to the hospital to have a pinecone removed from your rectal cavity would be better than telling your closest friends about our relationship?” Hux asked with a chuckle. He heard Ren groan behind him again. “I'm not going to let you live this down, you know.”

“I know,” Ren replied quietly.

It fell silent in the car again, neither of them speaking. Hux was getting close to the hospital when he heard Ren start giggling in the seat behind him. Hux rolled his eyes, feeling he was going to regret asking. “What's so funny?”

Ren tried to stop laughing, but was still giggling as he said, “At least you can say that I'm close with nature now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please submit all anon hate to [@tezzypants](http://tezzypants.tumblr.com/) I cannot wait for your comments.
> 
> Also hella call out to [@Vmprsm](http://vmprsm.tumblr.com/) who once again editted my trash into better trash, thanks!


End file.
